I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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