i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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