Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
