when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
