1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
