I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
