wrigley field is MILF paradise
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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