I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it penis luge time yet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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