You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Randomize
