i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
