For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Found the puke drawer
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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