Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
