i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
