i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
