I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
