If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
