Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
