Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
