nut hugger
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
