Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
