My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
