My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
