Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
