I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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