Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
