it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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