I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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