Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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