I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
