you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
