What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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