I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
