I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
