Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
