also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
