i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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