God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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