I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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