I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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