Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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