Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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