YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
