whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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