Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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