The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
