I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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