Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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