I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My friends, they love my intelligence
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
