Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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