Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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