I think im going to throw up on grandma
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm both gender and math confused
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
